Separation Anxiety

Please note: The information on separation anxiety is provided as a courtesy. But we work only with adults, and the occasional insightful and motivated adolescent. We do not work with children. And it is children who generally suffer from separation anxiety. If you suspect that your child may be dealing with separation anxiety, please be in touch with any of the several local mental health agencies or private clinicians who work with children.

—

For very young children, some anxiety at being separated from a parent can be normal. From 8-14 months it is common, and considered a normal developmental stage, for a child to cling to a parent and become anxious when meeting parents. This stage is usually over by the time a child is 2 years old.

It is also normal even for an older child to temporarily experience separation anxiety during periods of increased stress and change, or when in unfamiliar places or circumstances.

But an older child, especially above the age of 6, who consistently experiences strong anxiety when away from a parent (usually the mother), may be struggling with separation anxiety disorder. Below are some of the signs and symptoms that would be consistent with this condition. And remember: As with any condition, not all symptoms have to be present, but several should be, in order for this to be a likely diagnosis.

Signs & Symptoms of separation anxiety

  • Child experiences an unusually high degree of anxiety when separated from primary caregiver (usually the mother).

  • May resist, or refuse, to go to school or other places, because this would involve being separated from caregiver.

  • May insist on primary caregiver being in the room when he or she (the child) goes to sleep

  • May have bed-wetting problems

  • May have nightmares

  • May have a pattern of temper tantrums or begging, especially about not being pressured to be apart from caregiver, or go to school

  • Is afraid something bad will happen to primary caregiver

  • Is afraid something bad will happen to him or her (child) if separated from caregiver

  • Complains about physical pains or problems, especially when expected to go to school, or in other ways to be apart from caregiver

  • Some of the above symptoms have been a problem for more than 4 weeks

School Refusal: Other Reasons

Although separation anxiety is a common reason for a child's school refusal, it isn't the only reason. Other possible reasons a child may be refusing, or resisting, going to school include:

  • Learning disabilities or reading problems

  • Being bullied by other kids at school

  • Social anxiety

  • Social isolation (not having friends)

  • Not getting along with teacher or classmates

  • Depression or other emotional difficulties

If your child is refusing to go to school, and you think it relates to bullying or problems getting along with a teacher or classmates, or that it involves other psychiatric difficulties besides anxiety, it may be best for you to consult a school counselor, a child therapist, or a physician, depending on the case.